As America’s 250th birthday approaches this summer, her enthusiastic celebrants have raised a common complaint: there’s a lack of patriotic fervor in the marketing departments of American corporations, especially compared to what many remember from the bicentennial in 1976. Just scour eBay for bicentennial merch, and you’ll find gems ranging from adorable to amusing: a covered wagon piggy bank, an awesome hand-tooled leather satchel, a star-spangled bicycle, a set of silver coffee spoons with the seals of the 13 colonies, a bicentennial pool ball set, a commemorative ruler from the Kansas City Light & Fixture Company, and even a patriotic bridal garter, still in the original packaging from a New Hampshire wedding accessory supplier.
This time around, the officially licensed products range from bland to straight-up traitorous. The official America 250 store offers this “Irish Vibes Only” T-shirt and this “Cinco de Mayo” T-shirt, which look like they were created in a lab by a miserable lady bureaucrat who donates to the KKK via the Southern Poverty Law Center. Yes, there is an entire section celebrating the Mexican army’s 1862 victory over the French in the official America 250 store.
